BREAKING: RFK Jr. just swapped fluoride for creatine monohydrate in every public water line. America's taps now officially dispense gains water

New mandate: Fluoride completely eradicated from all municipal water systems nationwide. 

Replaced with pure, micronized creatine monohydrate dissolved at therapeutic saturation levels (5g per liter baseline, adjustable for high-responders).

Every faucet, fountain, showerhead, and fire hydrant now delivers "cellular volumization hydration" on demand. 

Sip, shower, or chug, your intracellular water retention just became a federal priority.

RFK Jr.: “Fluoride was a cavity cover-up pushed by Big Dental to keep you weak and inflamed. Creatine? It's the original performance super-molecule. ATP rocket fuel, brain booster, and overnight bloat machine. 

Weak teeth stay cavity-prone. Strong citizens bloat 5 lbs overnight, fill out the frame, and dominate. We're not hydrating flat anymore. This is MAHA in liquid form: Make America Bloat Again.”

- Immediate nationwide infusion: Water treatment plants retrofitted with creatine dosing stations (pharma-grade monohydrate only, no fillers)  

- Daily exposure target: 3–5g absorbed via drinking + dermal uptake (showers count double for skin gains)  

- Verified saturation responders (via 24-hour urine creatine clearance or visible 5-lb overnight water weight jump) qualify for "$1,000 Bloat Bonus" direct deposit + priority red-meat vouchers  

- Bonus: Public schools and gyms now feature "Creatine Coolers" instead of water fountains. Kids and athletes preload before recess or sets  

- Refuse the bloat? Welcome to the low-retention surcharge. Your water bill spikes 35% + mandatory loading-phase re-education camp with no dry scoops allowed